Ode to Your Ugly Feet

Don’t feel bad. There’s a website with photographs of beautiful celebrities who have horrible looking feet. There they are in all their glossy glory and down below, at the end of their legs, supporting this dazzling magazine-worthy icon, are two appendages that resemble gnarled roots subsisting in the Mojave. Oddly angled toes, knobby joints, pachydermish skin. Yet somehow, these deformed mutants find a way to get up in the morning. They stand on their hideous feet and press on.

The Bullet Stops Here

Someone is trying to kill you. There might as well be a red laser targeting-dot wavering on your chest. There is a finger on the trigger and he will take the shot.

Yeah, right.

Surviving the Rite of Passage

Graduation Speech for Hyland Christian School
Class of 2014

I am very happy to be here with you for the Hyland Graduation of 2014. But I have to say—as far as rites of passage go, this is all pretty wimpy.

You may not realize it, but in other places, there are more impressive ways to demonstrate that someone has “graduated.”

There’s a country where if you want to prove it’s time for you to move on to being an adult, you go out and hunt a lion.

In 18^th Century Hawaii, you had to jump off a cliff into the ocean.