Fathers--The Success of a Failure

When someone asked a little boy what Father’s Day was, he said, “It’s just like Mother’s Day, only you don’t spend as much.”

There’s some truth in here. In fact, once upon a time, there was no Father’s Day. There was only Mother’s Day. It just so happens that Father’s Day kind of happened on Mother’s Day.

In 1910 on Mother’s Day, Senora Dodd was sitting in a church service in Spokane, listening to a sermon about mothers. Her mother had died while Senora was very young, so Senora’s thoughts lingered on her father, who raised Senora and all her siblings on his own. Understandably, Senora thought there should also be a Father’s Day—which she later celebrated on her father’s birthday in June.

Fifty-six years later, in 1966, President Johnson made it official. Every third Sunday of June would be set aside to honor fathers. And that’s why all the Outback Steakhouses are crowded on that day.

On Father’s Day, just about everyone will be thinking about being a dad or having one. There will be at least a few memories surfacing in the minds of every person you see.

But let’s be honest—it won’t all be good memories.

A lot of people didn’t have good fathers. There have been a lot of great fathers, but there have also been a lot of not-so-great fathers.

This is such a prevalent likelihood, that one preacher suggested that on Father’s Day, we should do one thing in particular for our fathers—if necessary—for them and for ourselves. Forgive them.

Some fathers are horrible. Some are pretty good. Some are distant and some just disappear. There are notoriously capable of being semi-involved, orbiting profound moments in a kind of daze. A new mother once walked into the nursery and saw her husband standing over the crib. She stopped to watch him. She smiled at the many emotions she saw come across the face of this new dad. He was clearly experiencing doubt, happiness, and awe. She was so moved by her husband’s emotions, she put an arm around him and asked him what he was thinking. He turned to her and said. “It’s amazing! I just can’t believe anybody could make a crib as good as this for only $46!”

There are bad fathers, for sure. But the odds are that most of the time you won’t come across a bad father—just a so-so father. There are tons of them.

Yet another story. Three children wanted a puppy, but their mother wasn’t too keen about the idea. She knew she would end up being the one who took care of the dog. As you would expect, the children promised they would take care of it. She finally gave in, the puppy arrived, and her kids named their new pet Danny.

They did a great job of taking care of him—at first. But as time passed, their mother ended up taking care of him, just like she had predicted. After a while, she decided to use the dog as a teaching experience. She started looking for a new owner for Danny.

When she found the dog a new good home, she told her kids, “I’ve found a new home for Danny.”

But her children didn’t have that much of a reaction. They didn’t really get that upset. After a few moments, one of children just said, “We’ll miss him.”

Surprised, their mother stood her ground. “I’m sure we will, but he’s too much work for one person and since I’m the one who has to do all the work, I say he goes.”

One of the other children spoke up. “What if he doesn’t eat so much and what if he isn’t as messy? Then could we keep him?”

She shook her head. “It’s time for Danny to go to a new home.”

Suddenly, all the children burst into tears. They were shocked. “Not Danny! We thought you said Daddy!”

Ha-Ha.

This is just poking fun, but we do live in a society that seems to consider fathers to be on a ridiculous level. Television in particular presents fathers as fools, mostly irrelevant, and mostly dispensable.

This is not meant to be. Just as we would show respect for the position of an elder or the role of a wife and mother—respect should be shown for the position of the father. Regardless of any bad track record, this is a position many men aspire to and to sabotage that goal can discourage the men striving to be the dad who is the exception to the rule.

It’s always easy to focus on the flaws. But there are still shining qualities clinging to the wrecked icon. Someone once put it this way. “A father is a man who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be.” It’s another joke, but there’s truth in there. There have been countless fathers who have made endless sacrifices for their family. 

A teacher asked one of her students, “What’s the nicest thing your father ever did for you?” The little boy said, “He married my mother.” That’s one of the best things any good father could do—love his children’s mother.

God set a high premium on this very thing. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). You will notice that Scripture holds up the role of father as a position of great admiration and honor.

Consider this. Among all the concepts that make this existence shine—all the various kinds of relationships God had to choose from, when it came time to explain who He is in his relation to us, one of the primary ones He picked was Father.

He has often attributed to Himself qualities that belong to a shepherd, a king, and even a mother, but most of the time, when He defines His connection with us, He says, “Father.”

The world may look down its collective, arrogant nose and ridicule fathers, but our Creator holds the position in the highest regard. That’s one reason he put fathers in charge of families. Not just to keep their mouths fed, but to keep their souls safe.

That’s something fathers are meant to be. They feed souls. God told them, “These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” (Deuteronomy 6:6-9). You see, a real father doesn’t just bring home physical food. He makes sure the house is stocked with spiritual food too. He knows there are souls under his roof and no soul will starve to death on his watch. Any father would do well to keep in mind the charge for all men. “Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong” (I Corinthians 16:13). The physical world is a dissolving cloud. Stand up and fight for the realm that endures.

This is all very good, but if you were to present this challenge—this highest of standards—to the fathers of the world, one thought in particular would surface in the mind of almost every one of them. “I’m not a good father.”

So here’s a Father’s Day message for all you father’s out there. Maybe we should inscribe it on a million greeting cards and mail them out. The front would read, “Happy Father’s Day.” Then when you opened the card, it would simply say this:

“Nobody gets it right.”

All of us have met a lot of father who we would hold up as superb examples. There are men walking the planet right now that we could point too as great fathers. But you will live out a thousand lifetimes trying to find a perfect one.

One of the best things a dad can teach his children is that he makes mistakes. To pretend otherwise and try to maintain a front of false spiritual stamina doesn’t do anyone any good.  Good fathers make mistakes. Great fathers admit it. They face their mistakes and even use them to help their children grow closer to God. Many fathers think admitting a mistake makes them look weak. But come on—the children are going to figure it out anyway. Why not man up by coming down? Down to the level of human being.  A dad’s discipline is profound and powerful. But so are his apologies.

You see, great fathers are great, not because they’re perfect. They’re great because when they fail at being great—they get up and try to be great again.

And that’s great.

Deep down, every father knows he isn’t what he needs to be. Especially the best fathers. Paul Harvey captured the feeling well. "A father never feels worthy of the worship in a child's eyes. He's never quite the hero his daughter thinks, never quite the man his son believes him to be, and this worries him, sometimes. So he works too hard to try and smooth out the rough places in the road for those of his own who will follow him."

And that’s where a father will shine the brightest. Even as he stumbles and trips and gets back up, he is leading the way down a very important road. He knows that even though he is not a perfect father, he can lead his loved-ones to the Father who is.